Sunday, June 17, 2012

Gentlemen and Ladies

I'll admit: I have become quite lazy with the blog.  It is not because I am being overworked by school and the job.  It is because I have taken the wrong approach to inscribing my ideas.  After taking some advice from a well-known vlogger, I took a more relaxed approach to my work.  After changing my tactics, I think my efforts have been more rewarding with this article.

There is one thing on my mind that has been bothering me more than usual.  No, it is not sex, ladies.  It is the standards with which we as a society apply the labels gentlemen and ladies.  Of course, it is standard to call a woman a lady in any formal or semi-formal setting without a second of thought.  A gentleman however is a label men get from women when they behave in a way they approve.  Are we starting to see a double standard here?  In the world of "women are sugar, spice, and everything nice" and men are like dogs who need to be trained, it is no wonder people do not seem to notice the double standard between being a proper man and a proper woman.

Men are required to behave in a way that women approve of in order to be a gentleman.  Why should a woman define what a man has to be in order to be a "real man"?  All my life I hear about how women should not let themselves be considered any less by men's standards.  If I am to really believe feminists, despite the bias being in the name itself, are for equality for all, why do men have to answer to women in order to be a man of character?  There is definitely a culture of paranoia that men cannot be trusted to their own devices.  There seems to be an inherent female trait to believe it is their divine privilege (not to be confused with male privileges without the responsibilities) to change men to their own ideals of what men should be.  All the more puzzling is that women hold themselves above this scrutiny.

Why should a woman be considered a lady or a girl a young lady simply because she is female?  Like I have already made note of, women may believe they can change men and control their personal lives, but controlling a woman in the same fashion is unacceptable and a great sin in their crusade against so called "female oppression".  Along with a culture that raises girls from the crib to believe they are perfect the way they are, it is unthinkable to some to refuse to consider them ladies when they don't exhibit proper female traits to consider them such.  They expect to be considered ideal in the feminine department without putting the work in.  It is an inconvenient truth on the current relations between the sexes, and the hypocrites want the important question of why to be as taboo as possible.

What gets under my skin is the expectation of men and boys to aspire to be 'gentlemen' as women define them while the women and girls are automatically 'ladies' by simply being born the "fairer sex".  The man is supposed to pay the bills, work long hours, and generally pamper his 'lady' without complaint.  The woman on the other hand can dress scantily, abandon traditionally female chores in the family unit, and still be a lady in the eyes of their peers and white knights.  What pulled me from being the gentlemanly type is being part of a generation of girls who do what they want when they want and still have the privilege of being socially proper while a generation of boys struggle to behave in a way to attract these girls who are increasingly devoid of mind, body, and soul.  Why would I, a young man, put in the effort to make myself into a person of value for a young woman who does not see any reason to be of value as a person to me?

My past experiences with refusing to be gentlemanly towards women who did not aspire to put the effort into being real ladies relayed scorn back at me.  When asked to explain my rudeness, I would tell the questioner a woman is not a lady just because she is a woman.  I would lay out the case that being a gentleman and being a lady both require personal effort to fill gender-specific roles, and a man should have no more reason to be a gentleman to a woman who does not behave like a lady than a woman should be ladylike for a non-gentlemanly man.  Here and there is some agreement to the dilemma I presented, but in general the idea of pointing this out was taboo.  Women will have their cake and eat it as well.

Although traditional roles are a bit antiquated, I still see much value in the mutual respect between the sexes by fulfilling a gentleman or lady role.  If and when I find a woman who will put in the effort to be a lady towards me, I will act accordingly as a gentleman.  Until then, why should I hold that door open for a woman and let her through.  I will wait at the door and hold it open for an approaching man or woman so they don't have to go through the trouble of opening the door from scratch themselves as a polite gesture.  However, there is no reason to give special treatment to those who don't deserve it.  Society has all but forgotten the Golden Rule.  Do not expect me to put in the effort to show you respect for your own convenience but not show me the same in return.

Forsaken Eagle


  1. Despite the fact that we have differing opinions on a lot of things, I really enjoy reading your blog, especially for the other side of things. I can't say I disagree with the idea of this post. But I think feminists have a point too. I think everyone is missing the point. The point is not that women have it better than men, or vice versa. There are serious gender inequality issues on BOTH sides. Yes, I am a woman commenting, feel free to disregard my opinion on this issue because of my gender (note the sarcasm). Feminists have some good points, as do Anti-feminists. It takes work for a man to be called a gentleman, but it's not easy for a girl to truly be called a lady either. yes, some people say "young lady" to refer to teenagers. but they do not mean lady in the sense that you're thinking, or in the sense that it meant originally. to be truly called a lady, one must be proper. I can say that i've never truly been called a lady in my life, unless i'm trying extra hard to be polite and wearing nice clothing. I do not call a man a gentleman unless he acts like one, I expect that he would not call me a lady unless he thinks i am one. Also, I think that the culture in the south plays a big part in it too. I was never called a lady in California. The culture is vastly different there. You're right, however, in the fact that people use the term "lady" more than the term "gentleman". I think BOTH genders need to break out of their role, but that's not going to happen since society is almost centered around them. Good article though. I enjoyed reading it.

    Side note: You were the first guy to open me up to the anti-feminist movement, and at first I was offended. Thanks for opening me up to it because I came to realize that they were right, too.

  2. I am glad I was able to show a different perspective. Above all else, I want to see the myths of men and the hypocrisy of feminism brought to the public's attention and dispelled. All my life I have only come to realize the side that claims to see sexism everywhere and promote junk science is actually self-projecting, using white knight sensibilities to tell a lie long and often enough to become truth. Now a man can be arrested from his own home on just an accusation from his wife.

    I'll also have note that being anti-feminist is not the same as being anti-woman. I am not implying this is what you believe, but it is a common misconception. Not all feminists are women, and not all women are feminists. I am all for women having said 'male privileges'. However, privilege comes with responsibilities, responsibilities that are often ignored. Feminism has created the culture of "have your cake and eat it too." This gave birth to the ideas that teach young girls all men are CEO's or politicians, and the Wage Gap Myth as evidence of oppression when there are variables which show income disparity stemming from personal choices between men and women.

    I created this blog over a year ago as a sort of cul-de-sac to place my thoughts, opinions, and feelings as they come to me. I did not want to further impose on others in more open arenas. Those who come here do on their own volition, and I like to see the traffic. Thanks for reading.

    Forsaken Eagle