Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Reconciling the Past

I have recently for a while been trying to tie the many loose ends of my past.  Specifically, I have been trying to gain control over my memories of high school.

My high school memories are for the most part a blur for me.  My memories of high school are foggy at best, and I have been trying to search for the pieces since I got out.  Aside from acquired knowledge, my main concern was getting out of that place.  I wanted escape, and time was so happy to oblige.  I am long free from that madhouse that so many seem so content on calling their golden years.

What I did not conceive (from the best of my recollections) is that I would desire resolution for the troubles I have faced at the classic American institution.  I want to regain my memories I have happily buried deep in my consciousness.  I need to come to terms with those four years.  They are like a dream to me.  The thoughts scar my mind.  There was so much I did not enjoy about high school.  I couldn't live with the disappointments and depressions.  I bottled up the the feelings in the hopes that they would never bother me again.

I was wrong.  Like every other time I bottled up my feelings, the terrible moment where those feelings bubble up as if from a hot pot of water.  The lid covering the pot will hop up against the gentle force of gravity to remind me of the suppressed but not forgotten memories hidden underneath.  Now it seems at every turn the past is there to remind me that I cannot move forward.  Not until I make amends and banish that demon.

I feel robbed of those memories.  I need to reclaim what is mine.  I don't know how I will go about this, but I must find a way.  Perhaps the only way is to simply leave it be and move forward in life.  It isn't the answer I want to hear, but I might just have enough physical and mental ability to overcome those demons with success.  Not with riches and luxury (although those would be nice), but with the satisfaction that I have achieved greatly at what I enjoy.

Only time will tell.

Forsaken Eagle

No comments:

Post a Comment